Many women have the thinking that learning to fight is only for men, that to know a fight is not coming natural to a woman.
My experience with this sport have help me in so many ways, and now I feel it in my blood.
We women somewhere deep into the subconscious mind we have this belief that a man have to protect us and we are not able to fight with a man. Here is right we can not fight with a man but we can act fast to check points and free way to run.
I have grow up into an abuse family, where a man have power over a woman and permit himself to beat a woman. I have been an observer of this scenarios very often until at the age of 12. Of course not knowing more than that I have been on my turn a victim of home violence.
After being almost 5 years in an abusive marriage, I have lost my self esteem and all the confidence in myself. The fear that I will always need someone by my side so I can survive in this world raises so up that I could not look into people's eyes. Going through mental, physically and emotionally abuse I have decided to take action to divorce. Living confused and with fears to face this man again has follow me everywhere. Even I have been show to the world a woman that had never go though this situation inside me was hidden a small scared girls.
Learning to live in this situation alone, not being able to have a girlfriend or a support being around me. I have learn to become my own friend and mother very unconscious about that.
Changing the friends circle and learning to know new people was a challenge for me because I was feeling so shy and trying to hide myself from the world. Most of the time being silent and people have to fish some communication with me. Slowly I get trust in some of friends, giving me the opportunity and space to open up and to say my story.
Feeling compassion for my past and the small girl that was hidden inside, they try to help the way they could.
This worlds I will remember for life. '' Start train self defence and no man will slap you again''.
That was the moment when I was telling to myself that this is my chance to make a change in my life, to take responsibility over my own body and to live a life without having the need of someone else to protect me.
That decision was the worthy I could ever do so I could get out of the victim mentality, taking my power back and learning to know my power.
After one year of training a could feel that I was build for that, to fight with men and to not step back. After other years I have realise that the warrior in me have been awaken and started to love this sport.
All this was not lest without consequences, coming home with blue marks and even I have been forced to visit the urgency at the hospital for getting a elbow in my face.
Ohhh boy.... that moment have stopped. I was putting myself into a situation to cry or to stand up. Was a uncertain clip of moment when this thoughts was going in my mind, and guess what.... I stand up. Taking myself together and do what was a priory to do: selfcare, first help and ending into a hospital.
All this have been not stoping me because I knew there is something for me that will help me in life. Not only I have get a physical condition very good but my state of mind have been changed. Being into stress situations where the rule number one was survive.
In 2 years I have been able to look into people's eyes when we had a chat and to feel comfortable with starting conversations with stangers.
Self defence helped me to get confidence back and self esteem. Walking with head up and smiling to people. Letting go the victim mentality and trusting in my own power and decisions. Knowing that I have a voice and my opinion matter.
For you my dear that have, or are this this similar experiences I advice you to do something for yourself. Is not about only protecting yourself but is more about finding yourself, see your worth and fight in life for that what you love.
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