2021 has past...introspection

Incredible, only 3 days and 2021 is gone from our calendar. I am looking so much for 2022 because of the surprises that we will get in this year.

Have you sit down do analyse your own life that was past in 2021, what about the last years? To look at yourself and think....'' Oh what a change I had made'', or whatever your life was like.

If 2020 was the beginning of a fallen tower, 2021 was the cleaning and the preparing territory for building new one. In 2022 is a year where we can create and build a tower the way we want and more resistance because is builded with knowledge and wise thinking.

This is what I am seeing from the outside. But also what is going on inside of ourselves. At least my life had this story.

2020 was the beginning of the nightmare of my life. Looking around and realising that everything what I have been build for all this years is not what I really want. Was an awakening. Not so much feeling it in the emotional system but at the mental level not totally accepting and process that information because I was afraid to look into the eyes of truth.

Trying to play around with ''this is only in my head'' I have been walking like a zombi until more often I was hearing from people that I am looking SAD.

I don't totally understand what they what to say, and I continue to move forward to do things that I have always did and play with same rutine everyday.

With 4 months before the ending of 2020 I have explode. That sadness in my eyes starts to show me the truth of not listen to my soul. I have been playing with myself for other to feel good. Crying without understanding WHY and burning my brain with overthinking, fearing to recognise that in this way is not possible to move forward and a change is immediately required to make.

In October I had a mentally breakdown. Screaming in left and right, walking like a zombi looking in the ground, looking on walls without trying to think because all that was not possible.

2 weeks is was taken for me to barely put myself together. I know what is mean to not knowing who I am. I know the feeling of not trusting anyone, and in that moment you lose your mind, lose the sense of self, lose the all beliefs that I thought who I was.

One question was in my mind: Who I am?

Everyone in that moment was an enemy. I was so empty and so lost. My physical body was in a crucial pain, I felt how my heart is breaking in pieces and I could not do anything.

In my madness and in that state of unclarity and craziness, I have make some decisions that change the direction of my life. Getting divorce very fast and living alone for 2 months to calm my spirit and to go through this transit of awakening by myself.

The pain of separation of the life that I was thinking I want was devastating. The beings that I love so much and I knew I have to leave them behind have broken my heart. But I knew is no other way then move forward without looking back.

In 2020 my tower that I have been build for so many years have been destroyed. Because was nothing for me to learn from, nothing to make me grow and to elevate my spirit. It was necessary to break all down and clean up after it.

When 2021 arrived I was by myself somewhere in the north coast of Zealand, close to the see and forest. The nature have help me a lot to put myself together again. Between crying and dancing, joy and devastation, I have learn how to move forward alone. I was so much in emotional unbalanced that for a moment I was thinking I am going crazy.

Taking myself together slowly, I start to run and take winter bath. My body felt nothing, then I realise my mind was so damage to not have perception of the danger to spend so long time in the cold water, without being prepared or have any knowledge or awareness to be careful with my body in this cold temperature change. I have did it. The fear of dying have disappeared. I have nothing to lose that was in my head. I felt that I am alone in this world.

People I knew or I thought they was my friends all at one they disappeared. Here and there was possible to get a word but... was different. Something was been change.

I HAVE BEEN CHANGED

In 2021 I start to prepare the platform to where I can build my empire. All from the scratch, in my own way and with all that my soul what's to create.

Is not easy to clean up after 32 years of dreams and energy put into relationships that has been unhealthy for my being. I am a human and letting go of the past is take time and a lot of emotional release.

Learning to let go and release all the pain that was stuck into my body, I made space for myself. Slowly I could recognise myself. Who I am and why I am here on Earth.

This year was for me the planing time, preparing my tools, designe the castle, change my clothes and get ready for what is to come.

We forget ourselves in relationships, work, friendship and you name it. We want to be kind and nice, and yes this is how we should be. But...... we can be kind and nice without over stepping on ourselves. We forget what we have boundaries, we have something to say, we have a life and we have to live it with Joy and Love.

We become like slaves in this world. Doing things on autopilot and the same thing again and again. How do we want to evolve? When we think the same, have the same environment and staying in comfort zone.

I am not surprised why this world has get into this mess, this separation and hatred for having different perceptions and beliefs.

I am who I want to be, and I am who I meant to be. Not even my familie recognise me now. I love myself because I finally find myself.

Going through all this mess in this last 2 years I understand one thing.

Listening to our soul is more important than make others happy. Don't listen to your heart will take you in misery and sadness. Don't speaking up what you feel will take you into a place where you will feel sorry for yourself.

I have decided that whatever rejection and pain I will feel by speaking up, I take that responsibility and I move forward.

2022 is not just another year, is more than that. Get ready, and if you don't prepare yourself for it know what you will have big surprises that you will not like but you will be forced to look into the eyes og truth.