Now is my time to walk to the dark forest. I thought I had been there but that was only the taste of it.
After a divorce in 2020, I have been through many, feeling all that darkness and seeing how my life is changing fast in front of my eyes. In one year, I was in another city where I didn't know anyone, starting to live a new life. Away from all that I knew, people, places, memories.
I was sure of myself that I passed through the darkness. And I did because I found my soul at the end of the tunnel. Knowing vag who I am at that level experiencing divine connections and a lot of soul growth. I grew up a little and learned a little more and I was in another world. My soul is free finally I feel freedom.
But a run away from myself.....
I know who is the Galactic soul that I AM and came here on Earth to enjoy myself and to do what I promised to Mother Earth. I know the essence of my being and know its power. But is only in knowing it, can not be experienced in this physicality because I RUN FROM MYSELF.
I forget about Iuliana, the girl that was married, and has built something that she loved so much. I ran from her and all that she had felt. The old stories and the other many lives I have experienced. I run from her and from all the gifts that life have been given to me.
In this way, I could not find out WHO IS IULIANA.
I wake up but a sense of not knowing who is this body, how the mind functions, what are the patterns, and how it functions under strong emotional pressure.
So I come back into the forest, to find IULIANA. I lost her there because I felt ashamed of her, I don't like her for all those past decisions, all that she did and felt. I don't want to have anything to do with her.
I understand later that I feel handicapped without her. The scars of pain transform into desires. The mind loses control and I barely can function. She wants me with her. I need her with me.
Finding the stillness in the chaos.
To find her I have to stay in the forest for a while. I have to feel her and all that pain, to understand her decisions and to learn and see the gift. To see that any past story was just a gift to understand its opposite. You don't know what is love when you don't experience the pain of losing love and that is pain.
The forest is not scary,
I know this place.
What is more scary?
How can I hold this pain again?
Is like loving someone knowing that one day you will not be together. Knowing you will put your finger in the fire but still doing it because you know is worth it. You know that those scars are where the light comes through. You know that.
Life is gifting us the most precious gift, the scars of pain. In those scars are holding the light of God/ Divine/ Source, name it. In this way, you shine your light.
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